That would be so heartbreaking for me — to see their young hearts get broken again, by losing another man in their lives. For years, I consciously built a wall around myself — deliberately going straight home after work, avoiding meeting new people, ignoring friend requests from anyone I sensed could be a potential suitor. I was desperately trying to protect my heart, to shield it from any possibility of pain, and in the process, from love and happiness too. But I was okay with that. But really, you were never truly gone from my life.
Your presence brought color to where, for a long time, there was only grey. And yet I find my heart longing for you, growing for you, making room for you. How can I run away from something beautiful, something so true? And yet the fear remains. I want to let go of my fears and run headlong into your arms. My life is a mess right now. Moving forward is messy. But it also means something spectacular is coming soon. I hope you stay long enough to witness spectacular unfold.
I spent years building walls around me. It may take time for me to let my guard down.
You can, however, help me break down my walls. Show me that you are someone I can trust. I might be needy. I am a nurturing and giving person, but sometimes, I also want to feel special and taken care of. A sweet text, a loving gaze, notes hidden in unexpected places, a tender hug, or a reassuring touch are enough to make me feel loved.
We may have started out as childhood friends and you might see me as one of the boys, but I would still like to be treated as a lady — open doors for me, give me flowers once in a while, and take me out on dates.
The way you treat me in the early days of our courtship is the treatment I will expect from you even after many years of being together. My children will always be my priority. They have been through what children their age should not have had to go through. They prayed for you, you know. Each night at bedtime, they ask God to give them a new dad. There will always be that other guy. I need you to be secure about where you stand in my life. Though he will always hold a place in my heart, you are my now and my future.
I am blessed to have found true love twice and to be loved by two amazing men in one lifetime. Everyone, including me, is holding you to Having a relationship with a widow much higher standard than the one who came before you.
Please take it all in stride. They have seen how my world collapsed and they are just being protective of me and my kids. They are understandably wary of anyone who wants to be part of our lives.
My heart is still in the process of healing itself. I have done that for myself. It took many tears, heaps of faith, and the passage of time. And though you can still see the cracks and tears, it is no longer shattered. But is in a fragile state of recovery. I know there will be times when you will be frustrated with me.